I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
