so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
