If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
