No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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