mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
