I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
