I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Of course I have a pirate flag
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
