I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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