I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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