I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
