She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
