I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My dick has a subreddit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
