I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize