Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pants are for mortals
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
