Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
