omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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