god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
