how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
