but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
