as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
