I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
