SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
