When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
