Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
