I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish you could order shots online.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
