Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A+ Viking dick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
