She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're too hungover to prance.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
