this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
