remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
