On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
