How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
