what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
