So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize