tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
