I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
