If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
