He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
