The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
