I like my sex mixed with concussions.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize