Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
