I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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