I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize