I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
