they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
