You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
