Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
