her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
