I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
