Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
