can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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