happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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