My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize