haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
