I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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