Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
