Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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