Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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