There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
