Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
