I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
