I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
