hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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