is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
