yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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