Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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