She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
