so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
