What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
